The trouble with relationships…
I think the hardest thing about anxiety is dealing with different relationships. Not just romantic relationships but family relationships as well. As a sufferer, you often find yourself painting endless smiles on your face for those you love, just so they won’t see your suffering. Sometimes anxiety attacks can interfere with these personal relationships. You have to pretend to be okay when deep down you know you’re not. Constant fights with your boyfriend/girlfriend because they don’t understand.
This is one fight I know too well.
Having anxiety attacks and them not being able to say the right words, the right phrases to make you feel better. You get agitated, wanting them to magically know the solution. Constantly wanting to hear a specific sentence, a specific word that never comes. It boils your blood. You feel as if they don’t understand, they can’t help and you might even think they don’t care.
Its not their fault
But the truth of the matter is that they don’t know. Sufferers know what other sufferers go through but those who don’t have our same experience, don’t know. We try to tell ourselves that they need time to understand how to deal with us. But how much is too much time? How much time do they need to fully grasp their role in our anxiety attacks? Do they have to play a role in our anxiety attacks? My disorder was the first thing I mentioned to my boyfriend. I put it all on the line. He constantly agreed that he could handle anything I threw at him.
But, now looking back on it,
he had no idea what he was in for. Constant anxiety attacks, constant crying phone calls, constant overwhelmed episodes where I would always end up losing my cool. At many points, it gets exhausting. It’s exhausting to constantly have to explain to a non-sufferer what it’s like. We just want solutions and comfort. All we want is to stop the anxiety. Simple as that, but this is not how it flows.
As time progressed,
my anxiety got worse and the fights were worse. Even now, after almost two years dating, we still have constant fights about my anxiety. He doesn’t know how to handle it? He asks for patience and I ask for comfort. When he asks me to tell him what I need and I stay quiet. What do I need? I ponder upon this question endlessly. I try to reply to this question and don’t seem to come to any conclusions. Do I need someone to tell me it’s okay? Will this actually help? Or do I need him to just show me love and affection during my attacks? Or will I just push him away. I have found that it’s very hard to find a balance between relationships and anxiety attacks. Your constant mood changes and having to explain your feelings has never been easy. As a sufferer, the hardest thing I’ve found is explaining yourself.
Trying to put words together
and explain why you’re feeling the way you are. Something that no one, except me and every individual sufferer, can explain. It makes sense in our heads but doesn’t click in our partners head. Why can’t they understand or say the correct things? Why do we need to constantly explain things to them in order for them to understand? I have struggled for the past two years on opening up to my boyfriend. Do I open up entirely and allow him in? Allow him to see my weaknesses? Do I give him the power to know what triggers my anxiety? Or do I just sit back and continue to construct myself into a neatly, smiling girlfriend that hides her anxiety attacks? These are questions that cross loudly within my thoughts every time I feel an anxiety attack coming on. After two years and long years with anxiety, I still have yet to come up with a complete answer.
Awakwardly Social has couple accessories for those who want to show their support for each other such as the Infinity Love Bracelet Set. The set is a combination of two infinity loop charm bracelets. You could wear them both or you can give one to a loved one to express the bond that you both share forever.